How to Meet Ms. Wonderful

Hey, it’s V.D. time – Valentines Day. Do you want to meet a lady who will not give you the other V.D? Would you like to hook up with someone witty, well-endowed – financially and otherwise – and comely? On the radio this morning a couple of wagtongues were giving lame advice about where to meet single women, apart from bars. They suggested, among other places, fitness centers, a totally wrong idea.

Fitness centers are not a good place to meet women. Women go to fitness centers to get fit, not to hook up with guys. When they are working out, most women are sweaty, disheveled and in a revealing outfit. They do not feel attractive and guys who try to chat up women when they are working out come off as needy or opportunistic. There are treadmill bunnies who are perfectly coiffed and made up and never break a sweat. If you are looking for the Barbie-doll type, go for it, but you had better look like Ken and be bankrolled like Jamie Dimon. Forget fitness centers.

Forget mating websites unless you like having one-time awkward coffee dates in busy cafés. The websites make their services sound surefire, but what do you expect them to say? “Our algorithms will pair you up with so many unlikely matches that if you meet enough of them the odds start to tip in your favor,” is not an enticing offer for most rational potential customers.

Professional matchmakers are have a higher success rate, but they are expensive. If you live in a village in Uzbekistan or Nepal, this might be a good alternative.

Amateur matchmakers are a better possibility. They do not cost anything and some of the prospects they dig up will be at least interesting. A colleague has an office manager who is very gregarious and always trolling for prospective marital prospects for the eligible singles in her church. The colleague tries to discourage her because his malpractice insurance does not cover this as a sideline to his law practice, but she considers it her mission.

Guys who want to meet compatible women should first of all consider dance classes. Single women in dance classes are interested in interacting with men. They want to get touchy-feely close or want to learn to get touchy-feely close. Do not worry about being a poor dancer. There are plenty of poor female dancers and part of the object is to get good at dancing. It is important to be willing to dance with anyone. Pulling a superficially unattractive partner off the bench demonstrates that you are open-minded and considerate. The woman you really want to impress will notice and be impressed by your congeniality. Besides, that woman you initially find unattractive may have a smile that makes you dizzy.

Co-ed sports are another great way to meet women. Join a softball or volleyball team. Your willingness to mix it up physically with the opposite sex will impress your candidates for dates, especially if you demonstrate good sportsmanship and consideration. If you are not athletic, bridge clubs, mah-jong clubs, chess clubs, Scrabble tournaments and other social game opportunities let singles mingle and meet. These gatherings are far more promising than speed-dating.

Taking classes at a community college will present many opportunities to meet and interact with potential mates and tuition is typically very low. Beware of the tendency to fall into old habits from high school or earlier. Do not sit in the back of the class with the other louts and heckle the instructor. Do not fall in with a clique. Be open, friendly, and willing to be friends with everyone. Art classes, especially classes with nude models are outstanding opportunities to meet women who are open for new experiences. Make sure that you take a few other drawing classes before signing up for a life-drawing class so you can do better than an anatomically-correct stick figure. No snickering, leering or coarse jokes.

As mentioned in the opening paragraph, it’s V.D. time. Get off your couch and find your one-and-only.


John B. Payne, Attorney
Garrison LawHouse, PC
Dearborn, Michigan 313.563.4900
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 800.220.7200
©2014 John B. Payne, Attorney

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